If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
