So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
