I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
