so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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