You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize