i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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