what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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