How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was like eating out sand paper
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic