It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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