just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize