u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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