So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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