Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
