Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize