oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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