Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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