Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
