He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
they're like a gay fantastic four
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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