i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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