i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
