Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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