he puts the penis in happiness.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
