She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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