dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
