Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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