I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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