I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
