we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
