I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I touched a dick in church today
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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