smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
