Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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