so that wasnt chicken after all
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
