i don't like sucking hair
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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