you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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