you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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