he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
