the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
