Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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