my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
