its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
