It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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