his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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