if i can run in heels then i can drive
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
