peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
