we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
