R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
