I need help removing her.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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