I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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