in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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