I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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