im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
