tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
