I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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