note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
