Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize