i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
