between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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