I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize