Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
