I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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