operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
