I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
