Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
