Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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