I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
